“Quote This!”

girl: What up?
guy: What’s the deal? Whenever you BBM me I’m always just about to jerk off.
girl: Gross. I guess I have a sixth sense?
guy: Or a sexth sense?

Boo ya!

That’s what she said

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How is he going to learn anything? Masturbation is fun too, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere.

This post was created at this location.

Linda: You should just pee in a beer can.
BT: I would need a can opener. And I still might get cut!

BT: I gave her a nice tip.
Phil: Just the tip? I gave her the whole thing!

You better fuck him hard. And I don’t mean in your personal life, either!

davep to brandy: Do you have different holsters depending on the colour of the outfit that you are wearing?
brandy: Yeah, don’t you?
davep: No, I rock sans holster, but I hear these thing give off radiation that can mess with your gennies.
jeffg: That’s not a bad thing you know, now you can go “buckets off”

davep: I knew a guy that had a girl friend wth small hands. He loved it, can you guess why?

*After some serious thought, davep is about to tell us and Brandy pretty much screams out

brandy: OH I KNOW!!!

clue: It makes something look else look bigger.

An advertisement on the radio: not getting any sex? Want more?
JW: both!

Willy is packing her stuff up to move buildings today and Randy steal’s her stapler from her packing bins

RandyW: Hey – you need a stapler?
Willy:  Get the F out of my box.

It’s my wife’s 30th bday this week, which means she’s old and I’ll be at Ethel’s come 7:30pm tonight cruising for a mistress. Come help me as watching me do this might make my wife uncomfortable – so maybe some of you could keep her company. 

He’s a good guy, I could see why girls like him. Tall and funny. Thats like girl kryptonite.

Girl 1: I wouldn’t want to be a lesbian.
Girl 2: Why?
Girl 1: I Wouldnt want to go down on a girl.
Girl 2: Well the alternative isn’t much better.
Girl 1: I would rather put something in my mouth than put my tongue in a mucus filled hairy pit.

Joanna: What are you doing tonight?
bt: Going to brantford to visit some friends, get drunk and sleep over.
Joanna: Sounds like an orgy to me.

Australian radio DJ: If you have a penis and a female mouth hanging around I recommend you kick a goal with that, if you know what I mean

amanda: The bar is about to close. Who are you text messaging at this hour, your booty-call?
anon: Yes, actually.
amanda: Jealous!

Oh! I forgot to tell you! I have the best tittyfuck story ever!

Kathy: Damn. Bad pour. There’s a lot of head on that.
BT: I’d like some head too, please.

amanda: The whole cosmetics and perfume industry is based on making people more attractive to the opposite sex, right? And they say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? So they should totally make perfume that smells like food. How could you not want to date a girl who smells like cookies all the time?
bt: Fuck that. I’d want a girl who smells like barbecue!

He likes me but he refuses to do anything about it based on a moral principle that he made up a week ago. I realize that morals are cool and everything, but I don’t see why if he likes me and if I like him, we can’t get together.

So you’re telling me that 8 minutes isn’t average, size does matter and it doesn’t happen to everyone? Man. I’m gonna have to re-evaluate.

Steve, myself and any girl you know under 4 feet tall and over 18 years old.

Get your boobs away from my boyfriend.

I’m in bed with seniors. It’s awesome!

People always tell you about how slutty college girls are. But I’ve been to co-ed dorms. There is no naughtiness. It’s just girls in sweatpants stoned stupid.