“Quote This!”

sarab: I use Accuweather because its be so gloriously accu-rate

BennyP: I was looking for a movie to watch last night on netflix. Saw DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS….

……..I choose it

Its in french for some unknown reason.

Ne pas de happy

bt: your bbm not working? I just sent a msg
meebs: little g, not a good g.

Jambalaya Starts with a J and end with and “ah yeah”

Charlie: If you’re your own friend on BBM Music, do you get 2x as many songs!?
amanda: Yup. I’d be sad if I wasn’t allowed to be my own friend. If I don’t love myself how can anyone else love me?
Charlie: Fundamental question, really. I’m glad BBM Music answered it for us.

Game of Thrones is actually a good read as well.  It’s an absolute beast, but well worth the time. It’s like Tolkien, but for adults, without all the orc and fairy gayness.

DP commenting on Childhood pic in SaraB’s BBM Status:
“I totally would have kidnapped you in a park”

amanda: Why is the traffic so bad?
Alvaro: There are 15 million people living in Mexico City
amanda: Wow. The total population of Canada is only like 34 million.
Alvaro: That’s the only issue with this country. It’s so full of Mexicans.

You know what else is good? Spray cheese in a Bugle.

dp: F this rain. I need to hone my sweet swing!
bt: Agreed, i hate it! Makes me depressed.
dp: Drink some whiskly.
bt: Loud mouth soup – here i come!
dp: Just saw how I spelled that. That’s how you spell it when you’re already on your way.

Hilarious and full of great quotes

sarah b: you have coffee time coffee? who goes to coffee time?
willy: at least they still only charge me $1.52 for a large
sara b: does it still taste like smoke? Is this how you are getting your nicotine fixes?

Canadian Thanskgiving is way better than American Thanksgiving. It’s just time off work and turkey dinner. Kinda like Christmas, but without the pressure to buy things, or love Jesus.

We pay less taxes because we don’t care about the environment. Or if people starve or die.

BT (while looking at a paint sample): This matches perfectly. You have an eye, Jabes.
JT: No I don’t.
BT: Well. You have a whispering eye.

During a game of Apples to Apples. . .
Troy: Are you Mexican?
Amanda: No, why?
Troy: Cos you ain’t got no green cards!

Mebs: True or false? People are more attracted to redheads on St. Paddy’s day.
DP: True! They think we’re Irish. And also Mexican.
DP: I mean magical!!

Sandwich Artist: Hello there Notre Dame! What can I get for you? Besides a better football team!

amanda: Damn. I can’t believe I forgot. I feel like a dick.
james: But I’m making you chicken.

Mebs: We have to finish this pitcher.
BT: We have a weak link at the other end of the table.
Mebs: Asian.
BT: Figures.

amanda: Maybe instead of mixing rye with ginger, we should mix rye with beer.
BT: Where has that idea been my whole life?

Well my friend BT here thought it would be a good idea to take this [leadership] course. He did the research, sent me the link, and encouraged me to sign up.
I did so, and was the first to send out the meeting request.
This action served to make this whole course ‘my’ idea – now that’s what I like to call leadership.

Kristin: I think the secret to my success tonight was I drank like I was pregnant
Jon: Are you actually pregnant?

Dustin: This is ball-shed!
Jess: What?
Dustin: It’s ball-shed!
Amanda: Is he trying to call bullshit?
Jess: Apparently tonight it’s ball-shed.

Quinteros I’m going to feed you meat until you like it!

This was at curling…
bt: [to the guy we are playing against] you are making the ice your bitch!
kristin: what did you say?
*bt is now feeling a bit foolish because he thinks Kristin is taking the statement as a sexist comment. He decides to repeat himself*
bt: i said, you are making this ice your bitch!
kristin: ohhhh, i thought you said something about a bacon sandwich

Dad: What happened? What did I miss?
Mom: Nothing.
Dad: I was gone 10 minutes and nothing happened?
Mom: Well, the doctor saw his dead father again and then he fell off a cliff. But the bald guy saved him. Oh! And someone stole all the water.
Dad: Sounds like nothing.

amanda: What’s a twice baked potato?
sandra: You bake a potato. Then you scoop out the insides and mash it with butter and garlic. You put that back into the potato and bake it again.
amanda: Wait. It’s a baked potato with mashed potatoes inside?
sandra: Basically.
amanda: Carbs filled with carbs? Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before now!?

DJ 1: We have a problem with over population in this country. Do you know why? A new baby is born in America every 8 seconds. But then someone dies every 12 seconds. Then (and here’s the kicker) a new immigrant arrives in America every 37 seconds.
DJ 2: Well. There’s your problem right there.

jt: I really want to buy the game “Dutch Blitz”.
bt: okay, lets go find it.
*not 10 seconds later*
bt: what’s the name of that game again? “Deuce It”?

poon: we were obviously the best in the class tonight.
jt: yeah, we were oozing sexuality.
poon: only when we weren’t oozing gangsta.

Watch this and try not to laugh.

Meebs: hey pat, I’m out front looking at your down syndrome pumpkins.

that cow only had one teat! oh wait, maybe it was its weiner.

CT: What’s your car
DP: 2010 Camaro 1LT
CT: and you’re looking for winter tires?
DP: yes, and steel rims.
CT: Do you have a particular brand in mind?
DP: The cheapest one
CT: You drive a camaro with 20”Tires. I can tell you right now this isn’t going to be cheap.
DP: Super.

AV guy has a ponytail. Shocker

There is a lot of cheese out there, Canadians must love cheese for breakfast

In meetings one guy (chuck) starts going off…
Tim: put the pin back in the grenade chuck

bt: willy! Your hair looks great.
willy: thanks I went in to get bangs and decided to chop it off.
bt: you should have come to me like last time. I could have talked you out of it.

dp: my life is like a Madonna concert *after changing his shirt 4 times*

girl: What up?
guy: What’s the deal? Whenever you BBM me I’m always just about to jerk off.
girl: Gross. I guess I have a sixth sense?
guy: Or a sexth sense?

dp: What’s that go link again? The one for all the AT&T VPLs?
amanda: go/attvpl?
dp: That’s the one.

Summer. Tis the season to wear a scarf and a tank top.

There’s something awesome about Detroit, and that’s getting the fuck out of it.

The hair grows on company time, so it should get cut on company time.

Hey Rubenstein, I was just passing by BT’s desk and notice this odd note. It states you admitted to being wrong. I know it felt a little cold outside but this confirms it, hell has frozen o-va!

Mike: there is a dead fly in my beer… Well, at least he died happy.

Life without a functioning BB is like hitting a bong with only tobacco

I just received the below forward from my Aunt and proceeded to laugh so hard at my desk that I’m sure people were wondering what was wrong with me.

WARNING : ONLY Read This When You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD

 I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented ‘you’re definitely going to shit yourself’ road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.. 

 Here’s the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No ‘Watson’s Movement. Despite the chillies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as ‘thunder and lightning’.

 Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck.  Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me. 

 Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m referring to that ‘Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go’ pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chillies from the night before were staging a revolt.  In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chillies fired a warning shot. 

 There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odour might escape me.  Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help. 

  I don’t know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here’s what I mean, and I’m sure some of you at least will be able to relate.  I could’ve warned that poor clerk, but didn’t. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odour so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ………BIG mistake!!!!! 

 Here’s the thing. When you laugh, it’s hard to keep things ‘clamped down’, if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.  Suddenly things were no longer funny.. ‘It’ was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I’d make it before the grand explosion took place.
  Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable ‘Oh my God’, floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of ‘Shock and Awe’.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ‘Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?’, then quickly left. 

  Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, ‘Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.’ 

  My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, ‘IT’S YOU!’, then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. 

  Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can’t say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they’re going to have to repaint the store.